i got to cali to see chi on 7/5/2009 when ming sent this to me to blog for him.. and well.. i didn’t spend hardly any time on the computer once we got there.. sorry brother… here it is.. love, gina

Happy 4^th of July.

Met I guy in the elevator of the hospital last week going up.

“How’s it going,” I asked.

“Okay,” he paused briefly, returning in monotone “All things considered.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“My wife, is from Russia and they have a saying when asked how they are doing they reply, and the translation is loose, but loosely ‘ better today, than I will be doing tomorrow.’”

On that note, he parted on a lower floor and I went up to 5 to visit with Dai a bit before I started my drive back home to Idaho. But that was Tuesday morning. Let me rewind a little bit to the day before.

I hadn’t seen my brother in nearly 3 months since I had got a job. I had been mostly unemployed for the 6months before that and was able to travel a lot more to visit. But these days finding a job of any sort after being unemployed is more or less like getting a car in a world where more and more people are losing their cars day by day. Most being a 2 car family. Some down to being a One Car Family. But I digress. Felt guilty and I will leave it at that.

In the 3months since I had seen him he had been suffering some kind of seizure like episodes, one infection after another, pneumonia, and the list goes on and on. I’m sure some of you follow the site. When I had seen him before he was still technically in a coma/vegetative state, but he was conscious a good deal of the time and I felt we were making progress forward. From what I gathered he had suffered a great deal of setbacks (to say the least). Details aren’t that important, more a headache and burden. But the gist of it goes like this. The insurance companies/medical industries are the biggest scam in the world. Are you in good hands? You won’t know until the shit hits the fan. And if it really hits- You better hope you’re sitting on a pile of money. It’s the only way you can really get yourself the best healthcare. Other than that you will be lucky to have someone in your corner to deal with all the read tape and bullshit (Thank you mom!!!).

It was about 7pm on Monday when I walked in and seen my brother on the bed. As I walked in I yelled in Chinese/Cantonese “Cheng Chi Ling!!! Fi di. Hay sun!!!” My sloppy take on “Hurry up. Wake up.”

I noticed he was sweating profusely and I looked for the box fan Dingo Dave had bought for him a couple months back. Not there. I shut the curtains, grabbed a bandana out of my bag- soaked it with water back at the sink and returned to wipe him down. He was kind of breathing/hyperventilating in short breaths. I wiped him down and try to calm him down. I was finally able to get his attention briefly and talk him into a meditative type breathing pattern as I kind of leaned on him with my forearm across his chest. When he calmed down I went to ask a nurse if this was normal for him. The nurse I found had never worked up there and said to come get her if it happened again. I couldn’t find her when the next one hit, but I found another guy who had been working there and he looked at him and said it wasn’t normal. By the time the nurse got back she told me to turn down the music and keep the lights down low- maybe asserting that maybe this had brought this on somehow. By 7:25 he had about 4 of these little “episodes” before the nurse finally called the doctor. Longstoryshort: He had caught another infection earlier, been taken down for some test in the early afternoon and someone had forgot to give him the medication that had been preventing these “episodes.” The doctor told her to give him the meds/dytranalene? that he had missed that afternoon dosage of. After that he calmed down and I decided to just let him relax. and sleep. I slept there too.

Apparently it had been 3 weeks since he had an episode like that. At that point, they had transferred him out of Cardiac Care and up to the 5^th floor, which apparently was good news. He was pretty well doped up in the morning on the morphine, ativan and other cocktail of daily drugs as I said my goodbye to him, but it was better than seeing him go through the episode type deal. The doctor told me what it was. He said it was common for patients with brain trauma and spinal cord injuries and that basically his body does these little freakouts. I can only describe it as something like seeing a fish out of water. Fucking depressing was what it was.

I’m not blaming anybody. Mistakes happen. Sometimes accidentally killing. As time goes by I think a lot of these people maybe overworked. Hate to say it, but I sometimes see the hospital like a fast food place. But there are a lot of kind souls I’ve met. Point is at this point I feel like Dai is becoming a number and a file. Hindsight is 20/20 and I’m not gonna blame anybody.

On that note I would like to give some gratitude to so many of you for restoring my faith in humanity again. Gina, my family, Jeff and Alice, Fieldy, all of you readers and everyone else that has been so kind. Fender, Renne and Smokey (congrats), the list would go on, and I will forget and so I will stop there. But thank you- You know who you are. And lastly, when you may send your positive vibes and love and prayers to my brother, include his boy. I can’t imagine- but some people are stronger than me. I’ve felt like I have been falling apart here and there. And even maybe getting sentimental.

And back to the part where I part with my brother the next morning. As I drove home that Tuesday(bay area to boise area in about 11hours). I tossed around the “plan” as it were in my mind. We’ve got 5 months to get the right side of his skull back on, or we will miss our window opportunity to get it to take. And sooner than later hopefully take him home where I think, we, the family can best care for him. It’s not that easy at this point and although my mother was granted the right to make medical decisions for him, at this point there are a lot of limitations, to say the least.

Whoops. I day just passed. Allow me to finish. Some times rare days off alone hit you like a wave of depression and all you can do is sleep to just escape. (Oops sorry Gina. This might be a bit much. But I’m kindof laughing inside, so I guess that’s good. Give Dai my love. And thanks always.

July 5, 2009 A.D.

1:57 Idaho time.

Thank you for being a friend.

Our love will forever, travel time.

Peace, love and light,

-M.

p.s. Is Every Edit A Lie?

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