Greetings and Salutations. It’s been awhile. Thought I’d weigh in and give thanks where needed. A ways back, I had mentioned that Dai and I had an unofficial rule that men should never cry unless their mother dies. Or something of that magnitude anyway. Not sure whether I’m getting old, sentimental or just plain soft, but more and more I find myself tearing up. I checked out the Fieldy project “A song for Chi”. All of these musicians (some I know, some not) giving it up for my brother and the cause, but the deal breaker was when I saw Munky look in the camera and say “I love you Chi.” In the last couple years I had begin to think Dai and Munky looked more and more alike. Although it seems like a lifetime ago, I can still remember tagging along with Dai on some trip to Huntington Beach to see tones play with Korn. Neither band had a record out yet. We stayed at the Korn pad and me and Dai walked to the beach in the morning to have coffee and jump in the ocean. Looking back, it seems like a more innocent time. Fame, money and all the rest hadn’t really happened. Just 2 bands right on the cusp of breaking. Korn of course got the sure jump out the gate, but I always felt like the 2 bands really were at the time each others only real “peers”, for whatever that was worth.

But getting back to Munky. Looking at him through my laptop, not unlike looking maybe in a mirror: We’re both a little older (can’t speak for Munky, but Dai and I are 39 and 40 respectively), worse for wear and tear?, the miles and years have gone by. Many things changed, many things not so much. I remember Dai telling me that the 2 guitar players from this band “Corn” (and yes I thought at the time: “What a silly name”. but alas names don’t make or break bands) had heard a 2 song tape of the tones and called drunk one nite, saying they loved the band(the deftones. And yes they used to be The Deftones) and would they come down and play some shows. For the record I’m pretty sure the songs were Engine#9 and 7Words, or Root (people take shit) and I lose shit (mostly my mind). After that, it all seemed to happen pretty quickly for Korn, and the tones did what the tones do, they opted for the roadless traveled. Mostly by choice, but not always. But I digress.

Here we are almost 15 years later. Fieldy and Head have found God/Christ and written books about their journey (both of them easy reads and worth the time, if not for amusement factor only). But really, to see someone like fieldy turn it around is truly amazing. Almost makes me want to give it up to J.C.: But maybe here is where I opt for the road less traveled. I’m more of a Buddha/Lao Tsu guy anyhow. Tomato, tamato. God lives within in us all, as does the pointy tailed one. Choose to do thy bidding, as you will, with free will. But, hey, who really knows? Whatever get’s you through the day without hurting others works for me. I do my best not to hurt gods’ creatures. I did kill a brown recluse looking spider in my bathroom this week. At least he felt no pain. Death by hardback.

And so I found myself crying as I was driving around doing some work (construction at the time) and I headed to my moms house to sit in her massaging chair and find some comfort that maybe only a mother can give a son. I’m not sure why I was crying. If I had to guess, the death of a second brother in 5years had left a lot of unfinished questions/business in my mind. I started going to a doctor. He gave me some meds for depression and others for the other ailments that come with time. I’m not saying script drugs are for everyone, but if you’re gonna take drugs, especially pills, I do recommend trying the ones the doctor prescribes. I did a lot of self diagnosing/medicating in the twenty years before that. It usually just adds fuel to the fire in the end. But if you’re an addict or a lush like me, you’ll have to burn yourself numerous times before you realize the fire burns.

But I’m getting way off topic again.

Thanks to Gina, my sister that I’ve have yet to meet in person, for your undying faith and inspiration. Thanks to Fieldy for rallying the troops for the cause. Thanks Brian Head, for jumping in and grabbing the ball on the screenprints. Thanks to all of you that help “Us” to get through the days with your kindness and inspiration/prayers. I remember telling Wan that we needed to get some benefit shows together early on (when the accident happened) because “No ones gonna give a shit from Dai six months from now.” Sometimes it feels good to be wrong. Especially about people. More and more I see that people are generally good at the core. Thanks to my mom and Mae for making the time to make Dai their number one priority right now. Thanks to all the doctors and nurses and hospital staff that have taken a keen interest to the silent man with all the great tattoos. And I will thank God at this point. Why not. For keeping my brother alive. Not all things are for me to understand, but if this is your plan, than so be it. A lot of you that have followed closely (thank you) may not have realized that now that they finally got his skull flap back on, that basically the whole right side of his skull was missing. Being stored in a freezer. The skin on the right side of his head was sunk down. A thin layer of skin and hair between his brain. I saw a nurse accidentally reach over and try to pull his head to the left. I had to kind of stop her. Accidents happen. And, I’m hoping that getting Dai home will be more conducive to getting well. Thanks to all of my family, blood or otherwise for being there. The folks at Fender. Bass Player Magazine. All the people that helped with “A song for Chi.” And, last but not least, thanks to you.

Thanks to you for helping me to have faith when I had none. Thanks to you for showing me that I was wrong about people. The list would go on and on. And but for the short list of those people that actually, have only made it more difficult and/or not done what they/he or she should, ya know what? It’s usually not too late to do the right thing. Look into your heart and you’ll know what to do. Cheerios humans. My flight is taking off now. Love, -M.

P.S. 09-09-09 1:17 a.m. Dai Dai comes home today in about 14 hours and counting. I guess faith is what you have when it’s all you’ve got left. And hope. Some say there are no atheist in foxholes. Me, I mostly just believe in God for the same reason most folks do. For my convenience. Only my Jesus is not blond hair blue eyed. More Gary Coleman than Gary Busey. But You have Your Jesus like Your Whopper: Your Way. Whatever get’s you through the day without hurting anyone. For that matter God help us all and by that I also mean God helps those who help themselves. Peace.

P.S.S. I haven’t been an angel and I haven’t been a saint. But even the wretched can change. So forgive my trespasses and know that I’m trying too. It never hurts to believe in miracles. Hell, I’ve got a beautiful woman that tells me she loves me. Anything can happen in this world, for better. Or worse.

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