Saturday Mar. 28 morning with Dai 2day.

Hello. It’s 10am and spent the nite with Dai again. Finally got a t.v. in here and we watched some dvd and cable last nite. Got a copy of the tones opening for kiss on the adrenaline tour. Funny to watch a stadium/arena of Kiss Army Idiots booing the band in between every song. Chino is able to make some pretty good fun of it and finally they launch into REO Speedwagons’ (more as a joke I’m sure) “I’m Gonna Keep On Loving You.” The band was a lean machine back then, getting tossed right into the fire. I will try to upload (or more likely send a copy to Gina Black) some of the footage to the onelove site. Fell asleep watching season 5 of Six Feet Under.

One of the Staff just came to put dai in the bath/shower. They take him down the hall in in some kind of lift. Lady just brought him back. He wears a helmet to protect the dome as he is still waiting to get the right side of his skull back. He has had a lot of infections and stuff since the accident, but he should be free and clear soon. She’s drying him off and will reattach the feeding tube that runs 24/7 into his stomach. We’ve been kind of experimenting with putting candy and stuff in his mouth. Can ya imagine what it would be like to not have anything to drink or eat for 5 months?

We also watched a copy from a show me and Dai did together in Nov. 91. A band I was in bailed so I told the promoter I’d throw something together. So it’s me on bass, Dingo Dave on drums, broinlaw Billy on guitar and Dai and this kid Randy of vocals. We covered punk bands mostly:Sex pistols, nirvana, angry samoans, social distortion. There’s alot of headbanging or hairflipping going on for a “punk” band, but we had a good time and the kids were digging it. Might try and toss up the last song we did (Circle Jerks-“Wonderful”) on site too. Now I’m just waiting on Dingo to find that Portland show.

Now that she’s got him clean and back in his hospital garb she’s using the lift to put him in his wheelchair. Allegedly this is a custom job, but I had to borrow/keep an allen wrench from the hospital to tweak it out so he will keep his head straight. Although he’s lost weight since the accident, he really hasn’t lost much muscle tone because he’s constantly tensing his muscles and move involuntarily. He floats in and out of consciousness. Sometimes his eyes are awake, but I can see he’s dreaming because his eyes start darting around. Even though it seemed kind of sad, I was told it was progress when he starts to show emotion. Sometimes he starts to cry and I tell him we’re just killing a little time and everything will be alright. At this point there is no way of knowing what he understands, but I’m really inclined to believe that he sees and hears everything. Me and Alice and Sing, inadvertently had a conversation about a rather sore subject-thinking he was sleeping- and he started to cry.

I avoid weddings and funerals. When bad shit happens, I don’t know what to say to people. So I understand when people don’t know what to say. But It kind of hurt when two of our brothers died and some people never called. My friends mother has cancer, and although I have msg. on myspace(lame I know) I still haven’t got around to calling him. I am gonna try by the end of the weekend. At least say hi and see if he wants to talk. He called me the week of Dai’s accident. It took me about a week to get down to see him. Guess I was trying to avoid some of the visitors. And although, I’ve had enough loss in my life to realize how precious every day is- until I’d seen him, and really even to this day- I have had a hard time accepting how serious his condition is. Even though I probably know Dai better than anybody may- Even to me he has always kind of seemed larger than life (at least in a relative sense- Yes, I’m talking to you, the living dead that walk around never knowing life. All to consumed with the material to taste the colors of life. Maybe you just live in fear and want your corner of the world. I know, just keep watching your t.v. and hope the world will fix itself. Oops, I digress) and few people seem to ooze vitality and life like Dai- he’s the kind of person that it’s hard to imagine anything slowing him down. But this is a definite speedbump. And although I try to live my life thinking everything happens for a reason, there are no coincidences and that everything and everyday is a lesson- I find it harder and harder to see the reason to this rhyme. But it is not for me to know. Maybe only to accept.
And so we take it one day at a time. Well, enough of this shit. We saw a wild turkey outside a couple days ago. It’s nice and I think me and Dai will roll outside for awhile. It’s a nice day and the hospital here sits atop a small mountain.

I tell Dai to be patient and have faith. That we’re just killing a little time here.
And so I have to practice what I preach. On that note people.

Keep the faith, spread the love and see ya soon. –M.

p.s.- the Jason Becker story (and I think it’s the one in this issue of guitar player magazine) is truly inspirational. This guy was a teenage virtuoso guitar player (one time hired gun by Dave Lee Roth). Can’t remember what disease he has, but he cant move or talk. His dad created a method for him to communicate through rapid eye movements. He is still composing music- which is preformed by his peers: Steve Vai, Joe Satriani and others. Check it out if ya get a chance.